


Don't know what happened, it's all a crazy game

by An_outsider_looking_in



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-01
Updated: 2020-01-03
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:35:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 9,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21634495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/An_outsider_looking_in/pseuds/An_outsider_looking_in
Summary: This occurs years into Ben and Callum's relationship. I thought it might be interesting to see the power shift between them as Callum gains success in his role as a member of the police force. I've played around a little with concepts and to an extent have taken inspiration from the film, the last five years (Richard Leagravenese, 2014).Ben is domesticated but finds himself bored and tempted back to the life of crime he had left behind.
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Comments: 32
Kudos: 119





	1. Chapter 1

"Hey, where are you going?" Ben already knew the response, as he fiddled with his uncomfortable tie, Callum responded, "Socialise, network" he said. Callum wandered off into the thrawl of crowds that moved rather slowly at this candlelit celebration. The party was being held in a grand Hall.

Ben had promised to smile and stand aside as Callum revelled in his merit of being promoted to deputy chief constable. It should have been a joint celebration, he was unable to feel anything as he watched his husband thrive. Gazing around the packed hall, Ben shuddered at the sight of too many familiar faces, officers who had arrested him filled half the room, whilst the rest most likely knew his name.

Unilaterally, Ben and Callum had decided that Ben was not to drink this evening, neither of them liked the person it turned him into. So Ben sat and nursed an alcohol free beverage, the bar was rather lonely. He wouldn't, he couldn't embarrass his husband. Callum shook hands, laughed, he was surrounded by his inferiors, and a few people who had the power to promote him, further. These hands, many of which had mishandled Ben in the past, were now being shaken with great thanks to his successful husband, the man who was able to straighten and therefore end the Mitchell crime family. One of these men was responsible for the death of Ben's father. The notionsickened him to his core, the hands that his husband used to touch him were being shaken by a killer. 

Phil Mitchell had been arrested many years back for attempting to kill his almost son in law, Keanu Taylor, about six years ago to be precise. After discovering that his wife was pregnant with Keanu's baby, Phil beat him within an inch of his life, only to be discovered, barely breathing, by some of the market sellers the next morning. Phil was tried in a court of law, a year later and, whilst in custody, suffered a heart attack. He lay on the cold concrete floor of the cell for hours, and when the officer finally checked on him, he was unresponsive and unable to resusuitate. The officer had neglected his duty and failed to check on the cell's- the case was never taken further. Swept under the carpet by the police department along with many other corpses, Ben assumed. 

The funeral had been a lonely one, Ben was there and Callum was there to support him. He had told the boys at the station that he was at a dentist appointment. Louise sat at the back, only noticeable by the fact that her baby began to cry. She didn't speak to anyone, and left before the end. Sharon had eloped with Keanu, once he was discharged from hospital. 

Ben felt alone, he was the last name of the Mitchell empire and had surrendered it for love. A love that now felt like a chore. 

"You alright?" Callum walked over to Ben awakening him from his daydream. 

"Yeah, babe" Ben smiled a half smile. 

"You looked miles away" 

"I was" Ben said, Callum frowned. 

"I need you present, in case someone asks you a question or something" 

"I think that the people in here have asked me enough questions over the years" Ben chuckled and Callum smiled.

"Theres not too long left" Callum said, ordering a whiskey, he was allowed to drink, it would seem. It was his second of the night. 

"I'll be waiting" Ben said

"What does that mean? " Callum detected sarcasm in Ben's voice. 

"Do I even need to be here?" Ben's heart was racing

"A more apt question is, do you want to be here?" 

"I want to support my husband, not be left on the side, I sit here, I can't drink and I just wait for someone to talk to me, you certainly don't" 

"I'm here to socialise and network, if I wanted to talk with you I would have stayed at home" Callum rolled his eyes. 

"We don't even talk at home anymore, I feel like we've dried up" Ben said

"Don't do this here" Callum looked around the room 

"Are you ashamed of me?, I went straight for you, allowing my family to collapse" 

"You blame me for Phil's death?" Callum said

"No my dad was murdered, but how can you expect me to sit here while you shake the hand of the man responsible" 

"I have to, if I want to go anywhere" Callum said, both had raised their voices at this point and some of the officers had begun to surround them.

"Perhaps this is where I get out then, in your journey" Ben shrugged

"Perhaps you can't face it, being straight, I make money without having to stand on the wrong side of the law, more money and success than you have, you were raised a criminal and that will never change" 

"I gave everything so that we could have a chance" Ben walked away. 

He lit a cigarette in the car park, a habit that he had adopted recently to replace the booze. He began to walk. 

"Straight, yeah practically in the closet" He muttered as he threw the cigarette into the road. He walked for a while and eventually found himself on their road, they no longer lived in the square. 

As he walked down the street, dimly lit by the lampposts, he heard a car pull up behind him. The horn honked a few times, Ben ignored it. 

"Get in" Callum pulled up along side him, and pressed the horn down. 

"You'll wake the neighbours" Ben hushed him, a smile on his face. 

"Fuck the neighbours" Callum said, not too loudly as they were nearly on their drive. 

Callum stepped out of the car. 

"I'm sorry. I am. I get so wrapped up in things, I shouldn't have taken it out on you"

"I hate this. I'm a housewife, practically" 

"The car lots doing well, isn't it?" 

"It's boring" Ben said 

"When Jay goes on paternity to be with Lola, you'll be busier" Callum said

"It's not the point" 

"I know" Callum took Ben's face in his hands and kissed him. 

"You can't just cast this aside with an empty night of pity fucking" Ben said.

"I don't know what else to do" Callum said. 

"Why don't you use all of your over the top sincerity and figure it out" Ben opened the front door and headed upstairs. Callum walked into the kitchen and opened a beer. He watched pointless TV until he fell asleep. 

Ben lay in their bed, hugging a cushion, tears rolled down his face. He waited for, hoped for Callum to come up, but he didn't. 

He picked up his phone, the text from Tubbs was still saved in his inbox. 

_Got a business venture for you. Reunion, old times sake, you in? T_

Ben responded 

_I'm in, B_

He lay the phone on the bedside table. 


	2. The road gets rougher, lonelier and tougher

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben meets up with Tubbs.

Callum had already left by the time Ben had woken up the next day. There was a pot of coffee waiting on the kitchen counter, it was warm which meant Callum had left a while ago. Ben sat at the dining table with the mug of like warm black coffee. 

Examining his phone, he fear began to rise in his stomach at the idea of meeting Tubbs this afternoon. They were to meet at the car lot, to discuss this job. As he pulled on his blue suit and grabbed his car keys, Ben drove to the car lot. 

* * *

Callum, meanwhile was at work. He sat at his desk, unable to focus on the case that sat before him. He was on his third cup of coffee.

"Hung over?" one of this colleagues laughed nudging Callum's shoulder.

"Yeah" Callum said, not turning around.

"Or is it trouble in paradise?" another remarked

"What?" Callum said

"There's a reason that there has never been any great love stories about Cops and Cons" his colleague placed his hand on Callum's shoulder.

"You don't know nothing bout it, mate" Callum stood up, removing his colleagues hand.

"Perhaps, but the Mitchell's I know too much about" the man walked away.

Callum sunk into his seat, he felt as though everyone was watching him. He was angry at Ben, but angry at himself, why was he letting this get to him?

Secretly he knew his colleague was right. 

* * *

"Tubbs" Ben held out his hand to shake and Tubbs hugged him.

"How you been, brother?" Tubbs said as they sat down.

"Alright" Ben said, unconvinced.

"Married to a police officer, I never thought I'd see the day" Tubbs laughed.

"Anyways, what's this job?" Ben said, changing the subject. 

"Well, it's quite a big one. You see there's this big deal going down and I thought maybe we could get the crew back together and foil it"

"A deal of what?" Ben asked.

Tubbs sat back, confidently, he had total control of the situation. 

"It doesn't matter what. All that matters is, are you in or not?"

"I can't agree without knowing what I'm getting into" Ben sat forward "Come on mate, tell me?"

Tubbs laughed a sinister laugh and placed a bag on the table. It was a large leather bag, Ben peered inside. 

Inside the bag was guns.

"Don't worry, they will just give us an edge, we probably won't even need to use them" Ben looked at Tubbs, he felt uncertain.

"Of course, if you can't handle it, I'll understand. You are domesticated now, don't need all this illegal activity?" Tubbs was incredibly persuasive. He placed his hand on the bag to pull it away and Ben stopped him.

"I'm in. But only if no one gets hurt"

Tubbs shook Bens hand and rolled his eyes "I'm not an amateur"

"I'll text you the details" Tubbs walked out. Leaving Ben sitting at his desk, his head in his hands.

* * *

Callum was sick of looking at the same mundane case. Standing up, he walked over to the kitchen to pour himself another coffee. On the way, back to his desk,he walked past the viewing room. He stood in the doorway, drawn by the grainy image on the screen.

"Do you recognise him?" the officer said, as the colour drained from Callum's face.

"I've arrested him in the past, minor offences"

"Well it looks like he's going up in the world" one officer remarked

"Why?"

"He's been seen with a large bag of weapons, we assume he's planning to hit some place"

"Oh god" Callum said, his hand was shaking, spots of coffee flew out of his overflowing mug.

"Yeah, we need to get him quick" the officer said "Before someone gets hurt"

Callum walked out of the office. Tubb's image in his mind, a face he had hoped to never see again.

Picking up his phone and standing in the bathroom. Callum checked the cubicles and then called his husband. No answer. He left a voicemail. 

_Ben, I know your pissed at me. Tubb has been spotted in the area. Call me when you get a chance._

He felt a fear rising in his stomach, a panic. Tubbs was dangerous. Ben was vulnerable. 


	3. I remember what this was all for

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben has a change of heart as Jay calls in an exasperated tone. Forcing Ben to re-evaluate his idea.

_"Don't do this"_

_"Its not over"_

**BANG** the gun fired, lighting up its victim in the darkening night. 

* * *

_48 hours earlier_

Callums stuttered texts were garbled as he sat on the edge of their bed. The footage of Tubbs was engrained in his mind. He was concerned as Ben hadn't come home the night before, wondering if it was too late. 

Callum had barely slept. He was unsure whether to talk to his colleagues or try desperately to get in touch with his husband.

Ben was driving home when he heard his phone ring, it was 4am and he assumed it was more of Callum's babbling. He had been with Tubbs in a somewhat sporadic meeting, there he was able to meet with the rest of the men who were going to be apart of the raid.

The night sky closed in and Ben's phone continued to vibrate. Pulling over on the hard shoulder, Ben looked at his phone. The brightness of the screen ached his exasperated eyes, there were multiple texts from Callum but there was also 14 missed calls from Jay.

"What's going on?" Ben said, as Jay called again.

"It's Lo, you need to get to the hospital"

Ben started his car up and sped to the hospital, he was pannicking, he was Lexi's dad, and whilst he barely saw her these days, he knew it would be too much for Jay to take care of her. Arriving at the hospital, he parked his car at an angle, barely taking his keys out of the ignition before rushing to the entrance. Hastily, without caution he dipped in and out of oncoming cars to get to the entrance. 

"Lola Brown, she was admitted this evening" he said to the tired receptionist who glanced up from her phone. 

"Are you family?"

Before Ben could answer, Jay appeared in the doorway. "He is" his eyes were tear soaked and his face flushed. He hugged Ben and lead him down the corridor.

"What's going on?" Ben said, looking at Jay as they stopped mid corridor.

"Go in and find out" he held open the door, cautiously, Ben walked in and saw Lola. She was sweaty and covered in a half opened dressing gown. Her face was flushed, and her hair was stuck down by the perspiration.

In her arms was a baby, wrapped in a blue blanket. 

"Lo" Ben began, she looked up.

"Lexi has a brother" She said, her breathing was heavy as she cuddled the delicate new born.

Jay smacked Ben on the back, "I'm a dad" He said and Ben hugged him tightly. He was shaking.

"Where's Lexi?"

"Billy's got her" Jay said.

"Where's Callum?" Lola asked.

Ben looked at Jay, a worried expression and Lola read this. "What have you done?" she said.

"This isn't the time" Ben said and held the baby.

After the exhausted Lola had fallen asleep, Jay and Ben sat in the hallway. 

"What?" Jay said

"I've been in touch with Tubbs" Ben spat out

"You mean you've told him to do one?"

"Not exactly" Ben said and went on to explain the situation.

"Are you stupid?" Jay said "He's dangerous and what about Callum? Does he know?"

"Tubbs came to the car lot, he picked a public place, I reckon Callum knows, he'll love this, putting the Mitchell boy to prison"

"You don't believe that, do you?" Jay said as they sipped the stale vending machine coffee

"I have to do it. Jay I'm just so bored and feel powerless. One last job will give me, I don't know, something"

"You ain't your dad, Ben. You fought hard to be with Callum. You can't tell me you want to throw it all away, you might go to prison"

Ben didn't respond, as they sat in silence in that quiet hospital corridor.

Ben's phone had been vibrating repetitively and Jay eventually said 

"Answer him, will you? If you don't I will!"

Ben answered the phone, Callum exhaled in relief at the sound of his husbands voice. 


	4. If I knew where I was going....

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callum talks to Ben but Ben's mind is made up

"Ben"

"Hi, babe" Ben said, his voice quiet as he wandered through the maternity ward.

"Do you know how worried I was? Tubbs is back on the scene"

"I know that" Ben said, holding back the tears at the sound of his husband's concern.

"Oh. Have you seen him then?"

"Yeah"

Callum grew more concerned as Ben's placid tone muttered down the phone, he had heard this before, the sound of self destruction. 

"Just come home, we'll sort this out"

"I don't think I can Cal" Ben said

"You can. Of course you can. They only know Tubbs is back, you ain't done nothing illegal" Callum was far too chirpy, his naeve optimism only angered Ben more. 

"Mind how you go, eh?" Ben said and hung up, he sat on the bench by the hospital and allowed the tears to flow. Wiping them as abruptly as they came, Callum didn't care. Hey, maybe Callum thought that Ben might tell him the entire operation, think about the prestige this would bestow on Callum despite the fact that it would label Ben a grass. 

Callum's words spun around in Ben's head, the disregard he had.

Ben got in his car and flawed it.

* * *

"Stupid. Stupid" Callum yelled as he threw the phone to the floor. He banged his head against the wall and collapsed with his back to the bed.

"What is wrong with you" He yelled, tears streamed from his eyes as he sat on the floor and placed his palm on his forehead. 

"If something happens to him it's your fault" he screamed at himself, angry at his own vanity. His inability to read a situation might cost him everything. 

Picking up his cracked phone from the floor, he dialled Jay. 

"Callum?" Jay said, he sounded groggy. "I assume you two have made up then?"

Callum's teary voice panicked Jay. 

"Have you seen him? Callum stuttered.

" Yeah, he was just here. You're worrying me now" Jay said, his tone got a little louder and Lola awoke.

"What's going on?" She asked

"Callum, what's he done?" Jay asked.

"Nothing yet. But I think he's about to"

"Shit. I told him that Tubbs was no good" Jay said

"Tubbs?" Lola said as she reached for her phone and dialled Ben.

"I'm going after him" Callum said, despite not knowing where Ben was. 

"Ben? Ben, answer me?" Lola hissed down the phone, no answer. 

"He told me where the operation was taking place" Jay said, signalling to Lola that there was no point in trying to reach Ben. 

* * *

Ben drove hastily down the road. He eventually turned off the corner and arrived at Tubbs meeting spot. The old shed was cold and poorly insulated but it's abandoned appearance made it a perfect place to hide.

"Where you been?" Tubbs said, he was standing at the table, an open bag of guns lay before him.

"Nowhere"

"You are married to a copper mate, nowhere isn't good enough" Tubbs walked towards Ben, towering over him.

"My mate had a baby, I was there" Tubbs rolled his eyes.

"You had better be telling the truth"

"Course he is, he's soft now" one of the heavies laughed

"Phil Mitchell would be turning in his grave" The other remarked.

"You'd better shut up, unless you want to join him" Ben turned to them

"I doubt that mate. Only person you ever killed was that fat cow, bet she put up some fight" He said sarcastically.

"Enough" Tubbs said and the room was quiet, instantly.

"I'll update you, mate. We've had a slight change of plan" Tubbs began

"A complication of sorts" Tubbs continued

"What kind of complication?" Ben asked

* * *

Callum called into the station, at this point he needed this to end. He couldn't take them on his own so he rounded up a few officers and they organised a seige. 

"How do you know all this?" One officer asked

"As if you have to ask" Another commented.

Time was running out as a new day began and Callum was not much closer to finding out where this warehouse was. Ben had been pretty vague when telling Jay.

"We need to do this by the book" An officer turned to Callum.

"We need to get there before someone dies" Callum was irritated as he sat at his desk, analysing maps and trying to pin point the exact location.

Eventually he found it. 


	5. This is the thing I can't bare to lose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the police versus the criminals as a showdown takes place at the abandoned warehouse.

"Put down your weapons" The officer yelled it was too dark to see much, they saw Tubbs standing over a bloodied hostage. The bag of guns was empty and his heavies had been taken down. Only he remained. The police had arrived after most the raid, they had found a bloodbath. Tubbs was left in the middle of the abandoned warehouse. He had nowhere to turn but still he assumed power over the situation. Lit up by the red dot of the sniper as it moved around his body, Tubbs showed little fear as he snarled at the police. 

The police had the place surrounded. The dealers had been arrested and only Tubbs remained. He had a hostage, a male. They couldn't quite distinguish who it was but blood was seeping out of the hostage's neck. They were in pretty bad shape. 

"Last chance. Lower your weapon" Callum screamed into the megaphone. Tubbs laughed, riotously.

"Don't do this" Callum yelled as Tubbs pointed the gun at the already bleeding victim. 

"You are too late, its too late" He yelled, psychotically and he pointed the gun at Callum. He began to walk briskly towards Callum only to be gunned down inches away from him. Tubbs was lit up by the flash of the gun and landed onto the floor. He had a sickening smile on his face, his eyes fixated on Callum. 

The gun roared and the bullet temporarily affected Callum's hearing, his ears rang and he was disorientated as he walked towards the bloodied body. 

It wasn't Ben.

Medics hurried around the bloodied male, as Callum stepped back. They performed cpr on the balding male but he died on site.

"No. This isn't right" Callum couldn't hear himself, he could hear a rush of water. A million bells rang in the midst of his ear drum. 

"Well done, Highway, another successful bust" An officer placed his hand on Callum's shoulder. "You know, the Mitchell boy is growing to be quite an asset" He laughed. Callum looked at him, he could only make out a little of what the man was saying. He saw him laughing. His hearing was returning, but it was faint. 

"What?" Callum said

"Your secret weopan. The Mitchell boy, guess he came in handy" the snarling police officer grinned. 

Callum punched him. The officer fell to the ground a little bit of blood flew out of his nose. 

"Guess he's rubbing off on you" The officer spat out blood as he lay on the sandy ground. His nose was broken. "Once a thug" He laughed, holding his nose as his possy surrounded him. 

Callum dialled Ben. No answer. He tried again. No Answer.

_Ben please, can you hear me. Answer your phone._

Callum left multiple messages.

"Are you OK? An officer approached Callum as he sat perched on the back of an ambulance. They had examined him and his ears, basically informing him that the sound would come back. It had for the most part.

Callum ignored the young female as she sat beside him.

"Hemway's a pig of a man, he deserved a punch" she said, looking out into the busying crime scene. The forensics had arrived and Tubbs was being loaded into the back of the mortician's vehicle. He was in a black body bag, the rest of his crew were in handcuffs in the back of the police van. The blue lights of the police cars lit up the wasteland of the abandoned building.

Callum dialled Ben again.

"I'm sure he's OK" The woman continued.

"Look, love. I ain't interested in what you have to say right now. I appreciate it but I'm sorry I just don't want to hear it" with no response but a smile and a nod, the young officer walked away.

Callum exhaled, he felt shitty for talking to her like that but his main concern was his husband. He called Jay, who had heard nothing. 

He tried Ben, one more time. The 23rd time this evening, or so his phone said.

He answered, Callum's heart exploded as the dialling tone was interrupted by the answering. 

"Ben _?"_ Callum said, he could hear a faint sound of breath, wheezing.

"Ben, where are you?"

Wheezing, a shortness of breath. He heard a struggle and eventually Ben's voice

"Hi, Babe" He sounded weak, his breathing was heavy as he forced his syllables out.

"Stay on the line, I'm going to track it. Save your breath, I'm coming.. Hang on" Callum began to panic and got in a police car.

"I need medics, I'm tracking a location, potentially a wounded victim" He spoke into the radio as he plugged in his phone and followed it.

"I'm here. I'm coming" he repeated as he heard the other end quieten. 


	6. A man learns who is there for him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happened before the raid and before the bloodshed? This is just a short flashback chapter to fill in the gaps as to why Ben was not at the raid. Its not going to be a long one.

_Before the raid._

"Tubbs, mate we can't do that" Ben said, the room fell silent. 

"There's a guard, someone who was employed for the purpose of this, we had no idea. He poses a threat" Tubbs said, he had began to panic after learning the knowledge that there was to be a guard at the warehouse.

"We can't kill him" Ben said and Tubbs grabbed him, pushing him against the wall by his collar. , "I ain't going back to prison" Tubbs said, unsettled. His eyes were menacing.

"You have to look at this logically. If they hear gun shots, they will flee and then what have we gained?" Ben tried to be persuasive, clearly Tubbs was at the end of his tether.

"He has a point" One of the heavies said. Tubbs didn't turn to even acknowledge the man.

"We can't risk him seeing us" Tubbs said, releasing Ben, who gasped.

"How did they know there would be a raid?" One guy asked, Tubbs looked and Ben and said in a hushed voice "Let's ask Mr Mitchell shall, we?" 

"Oh come on Tubbs, they hired someone because of the size of the transaction, if they thought someone might attack for definite, they would change location all together, you ain't getting nowhere if you are going to be paranoid." 

"Seems pretty sure, don't he?" one man said and Ben glared at him. 

"Naah, he's right. I've worked with Ben, he wouldn't rat us out" Tubbs said, his sudden trust in him made Ben nervous. His personality seemed disgruntled, his mood changed and escalated at an alarming rate.

"But I don't think you should shoot the guy, we can do this without bloodshed" Ben said and the gang laughed. 

"What a Saint" One man said and Tubbs put his hand on Ben's shoulder, "We are doing this my way, do you have a problem?" 

"I do. Tubbs I have murdered before, it ain't a nice feeling,I..."

Tubbs interrupted Ben by putting his hand up to him "I'll make this very clear, you are not here to be moral or just. You are here to work for me. The games changed since you were in charge" Tubbs pulled out a gun and held it to Ben's chest. 

"Woah, Woah Tubbs what are you doing?" 

"Killing a pig fucking rat" Tubbs smiled and before Ben could say anything to reason with him, he pulled the trigger and the bullet shot into Ben's chest. 

"You never know mate. You survived it the first time" Tubbs laughed, the abandoned shed was quiet, Ben fell to the floor, holding his chest. 

None of the heavies said a word, they were shocked. 

"Anyone else have any problems?" Tubbs said, "I'm in a listening mood" 

"Nothing? Really?" He laughed at his stunned crew. 

They walked away leaving Ben in a puddle of blood. 

One of the heavies glanced one last time at the Mitchell boy as he hurried behind Tubbs. 

"Take a good look boys, this is all that's left of the Mitchell's, pathetic ain't it" 

Ben gasped for air as the blood seeped out. He looked at his shaking hand and saw that it was covered in blood, he tried to retain his breath but the pain was excruciating. The darkness shrouded over him as he tried desperately to keep his eyes open. 


	7. If I should lose you now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callum rushes to Ben's location and is shocked by what he finds

"Ben, I'm coming" the line went silent as Callum followed the tracker. Pulling off the road, he saw the shed. The ambulance rushed ahead and the medics burst through the door. Callum couldn't see his husband, he could only hear the panic, as the medics rushed around him. He heard it through the phone which was still connected. 

He listened as they tried to resuscitate him. 

_"He has a c_ _ollapsed lung, we need to administer a Pneumothorax"_

One said and they inserted the needle into his lung to release air. He was crashing, his heart had stopped. 

_"Okay, starting chest compressions"_

_"_ Ben! I'm here. Let me see him" Callum demanded as an officer asked him to wait outside

Callum was asked to wait outside, but refused. Eventually he was physically escorted out of the area. He had fought to be inside but gave in to them. 

"Let them do what they need to" an officer said, he was tall and had thick glasses. 

Callum listened on the phone, he heard the oxygen apparatus, the machine as they tried to resuscitate him. 

They thumped on his chest, talking to him and trying to get a response. They couldn't find a pulse

 _"I think we've lost him"_ one said and her colleague concurred. 

_"Time of death, 3:09am"_

Callum's heart sank upon hearing those words. He was disorientsted and staggered away from the entrance. He didn't want to see the body, didn't want to see that it was true.

A decision that he later regretted as he hadnt any closure, he could only envision was his husband looked like as he lay there. It haunted his dreams, sometimes he would see Ben, blood soaked, in the bed beside him.

They carried out the body in a body bag and clumsily loaded him into the back of the mortician vehicle. He was another criminal to them. 

"Good riddance" one officer said as he slammed the door shut. Callum, whilst six foot, slumped over onto his knees as the van drove away. He huddled on the curb. 

"I was too late" he repeated as he held onto the phone, he ended the call, his hand shaking. The cold air caused a foggy texture as he exhaled into the night. He wished he smokes, a habit he had condemned, but now desperately craved. He needed to steady his nerves. 

"Come on pal, you need a stiff drink" the officer knelt beside him and he didn't engage him. Tears rushed down Callum's face, he jumped as the officer placed his hand on Callum's shoulder. 

"No. I'm good, actually" Callum walked like a deer on ice, he couldn't quite coordinate his legs as he stumbled over to his car and fumbled his keys to unlock the door. Almost dropping them, multiple times. 

"That's not a good idea" Callum pushed away the officer and climbed into the car. He watched as they dispersed into the shed and he was left alone in the car. He panicked, his chest tightened and he tested his head on the steering wheel. He must have fell asleep at some point. 

"You ain't going to drive, are you?" 

"What?" Callum sat up to the sound of the familiar voice. 

"Babe, you are sexy and I am lucky to have you but you ain't the best driver" it was Ben. Callum turned to see his husband sitting in the car beside him. 

"Ben?" Callum said, tears run down his face and he wiped them away. 

"Yeah, what's wrong. Look like you've seen a ghost" 

"You could say that" Callum said, through his exasperated voice. 

"So are you going to pull yourself together and say goodbye properly?" Ben cupped Callum's face with his hands.

"I don't want to say goodbye, I don't know what I am going to do" 

"Is that all? Well that's easy. You will go on and be successful, but only after you have stood in front of those people and told them how fantastic I am" Ben said with a quirky tone. He was sarcastic. 

"I don't think I can" 

"Don't be a muppett. Now go on" Ben leant in to kiss Callum and suddenly Callum was startled awake. He opened his eyes, his head was pounding, Jay put his hand in his shoulder. He almost hit his head on the back of the chair as Jay startled him. 

"You ready mate?" Callum looked down and saw he was in a black suit, the sun was shining over the cemetary. Wasn't irony a bitch. 

"I guess so" Callum nodded and got up, he tasted whiskey in his throat and had developed a stubble.his throat was burnt, tasted how Ben used to. There was a half smoked packet of cigarettes on the dashboard. That solves that query, he thought. He had tried his best to steady his hands enough to style his hair, but had failed miserably, leaving a rather pathetic flop atop his head. 

Jay shot Lola a look as Callum drunkenly climbed out of the car. He was uneasy, he saw that it was 11:30am. 'Have I been drinking?' he asked himself. 

"You OK, Callum?" She asked, Lexi stood beside her. 

"Yeah" He smiled, it hurt his face. 

He walked into the church. The service wasnt overlong, he stuttered through his eulogy and then waited outside, sipping alcohol from a small metal flask. 

Sonia saw him and walked over. 

"You alright?" she asked, he nodded. 

"It'll get better. I know it doesn't seem like it, but it will" 

"When" he said, loudly taking another puff of his cigarette. 

"You alright, bruv?" Stuart appeared. 

"What is this? An intervention or something?" Callum said as Stuart took the flask from him. Sonia walked away. 

"That's enough, don't you think?" 

Callum let him take it and Stuart lead him back into the church. 


	8. The debt is settled

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It isn't over yet.

Sonia sat at the back of the church, she left just as the music began to play. She couldn't stand seeing callum in this state any more than she had to. Besides this, she wasn't sure that it was appropriate to be there, given her and Ben's uncomfortable history. But he had helped her, he had gotten Martin off the hook and for that she was grateful. 

As she walked through the cemetery, she glanced at the gravestones, some were well kept, clean and neat, the weeds trimmed and fresh flowers laying. But others, particularly as she neared the exit, they had begun to fade, some were barely readable and others appeared blank. Weather and neglect had meant that these graves were forgotten and overgrown. Assumedly they were decades old, families would have dispersed or perhaps just decided to leave those graves. Dependent on who was buried beneath. 

Eventually she walked out of the cemetery and headed for the square. Her heels began to ache her feet, she wore them so rarely that her ankles rejected anything higher than a canvas shoe. The square was deserted, the queen vic still stood proud. The lights were dark however today, closed out of respect. Respect for a man who had caused a lot of trouble when he was alive. A man who had found redemption and left the square, the false sympathy was backed with good intentions. Sonia had suggested that the Vic be closed, the Mitchell's had owned it after all, many Moon's and even a few Carter's back. 

The arches had been condemned and shut down after Phil's death. It was abandoned, the grey metal was rusted. Since the premature end of the Mitchell crime family, it had remained a relic, a ghost in its own right. Kids wouldn't go near it, not a lick of graffiti covered the walls. A lot of the kids around the square were too young to have seen Phil, but they heard stories. He had become a bit of a legend, like the Krays. The unkillable Phil Mitchell

A lot of childish nonsense, Sonia thought. People had died there, but it wasn't haunted. Such things were for the superstitious mind of religious people and bored children. But it did keep the hoards away which worked in her favour. 

She unlocked the padlock on the front of the arches, careful to not be seen. Walking into the cold building, she was careful not to trip over the uneven cemented workman's hole. For health and safety, the council had sealed the steep seven foot pit, it was an accident waiting to happen. Ensuring that the door pulled shut behind her, she lay her bag down on the table. A small lamp providing the only lighting in the damp hollow concrete block of the old arches. She pulled out a small wallet which contained an a4 piece of paper. 

"Did anyone see you?" A voice came from the back of arches. 

"No. I was careful" Sonia said. 

"Not too long now and you can go back to being a good samaritan, eh? An ordinary law abiding NHS nurse" he said sarcastically

"It's official, you are dead" She said, laying the paper down, she had grew to ignore his sarcasm. She felt guilty enough, his words could not hurt her. 

"Cheers Sonia" the voice came from the shadows, and he stepped forward. 

"Thought it was harder than that to kill a Mitchell" Ben chuckled as he clasped the paper in his hand. 

"Not if you know the right people, clearly" he said

"Pay the right people" she said. 

"And you're sure that mortician won't say anything" 

"No he doesn't know anything to tell" 

"And the stiff?, can he be tracked?" 

"No its a John doe, some poor bastard that no one claimed" Sonia said. 

Ben nodded

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Sonia asked. 

"It's not too late. You can go back, he looks so sad, everytime I see him I can't help but feel for him" she looked up at the man, he stood in a black hoodie and jeans. 

"I've made up my mind" He said. "We will both be in a lot of trouble of this goes wrong" 

Sonia looked down at her bag and produced a brown envelope, it was quite thick. 

"You could ways change your mind" She was talking to death ears, he had made up his mind. Ben grew tired of her whining, he believed it was mainly for her own feeling of guilt rather than his well being. 

"And how would that look, Sonia? Eh? Hello my beloved, put on the kettle Im not dead" Ben rolled his eyes

"He's drinking you know" Sonia said

Ben looked at her, he was aware of his husband's descent into self loathing. He hated the damage that had been caused but knew there was no other way. Callum would bounce back. 

"I know. He will get over it, he will realise that he's better off"

"It's been three months and he hasn't realised yet, look honey I just don't want you to regret this"

"If it hadn't taken so long to get my 'body' released then this would have been over months ago"

"It proved harder than I thought" Sonia said. 

"My husband used to be a funeral director and it took him that long to organise my funeral" He laughed "Irony" 

"It was a beautiful service" Sonia remarked 

"Bet it was" Ben said, Sonia felt her stomach tighten. She was terrified of how deep she was in this mess. 

"I thank you for saving my life, again. But I have to do this" Ben picked up his shoulder bag and pulled up his hood. He was still a little sore but the painkillers were of great use. The haste at which he had been treated had started to affect him. But he knew that he could heal, and relax on a sunny beach. 

Inside the envelope was a passport and papers, forged and false. A little note was attached to the passport, a sticky label that read. 

_Our debt is square now, M_

Ben couldn't think of anything smart to say, so he loaded his new identity into his bag. Along with the mass of painkillers that Sonia had sneaked out gradually over the last few months. 

"Thanks again" Ben said as Sonia left the arches. She nodded. 

He waited until it got dark and left the arches, restoring the pad lock as he left. He got into a car that had 'disappeared' from the car lot prior to the raid and headed for the road. He drove down the road where he and Callum had once lived and waited for a moment. 

He parked outside the house, hoping to catch a fleeting glimpse. 

* * *

Callum lay in bed, a half drank bottle of whiskey was dripping through the loose cap. He placed his hand on the pillow beside him. He heard the car pull up outside and it ignited a hint of hope. Hope that was rather quickly blasted down with the memory. 

"You know it ain't me, dont ya?" Callum looked over and saw his husband sitting beside him, his legs were outstretched. He had a large blood stain seeping through his shirt. Ben's face was pale and had begun to decompose, it truly was a monstrous sight. He was wearing glasses and a stripey shirt. 

"You aren't real" Callum buried his face in the pillow. 

"That may be. But the guilt, your guilt. That is very real" Ben sniggered. 

Callum didn't say anything, he lay and cried. Ben began stroking his hair. 

"It's ok babe, have a few more sips of that and you'll feel better" 

Callum reached for the whiskey. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank everyone who is reading and hope you continue to enjoy this story. I am having a great time writing this and like how it is evolving (especially as it was a one chapter piece initially!)


	9. How I got away with it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is really just an explanative chapter of how Ben planned his escape. It's just a few ideas that I was playing with.  
> It's a reasonably short chapter and we will resume to the story in the next chapter

Tubbs shot him, the bullet entered his chest, leaving a slight splash of blood. 

"Take a good look boys, this is all that's left of the Mitchell's, pathetic ain't it" Tubbs stood over him for a moment. 

"This is what happens when you abandon your family" Tubbs said, slamming the door behind him, the room became submerged in darkness. 

As he fell to the floor, Ben reached into his pocket. He grabbed his phone and pressed the dial to call Sonia. He had anticipated that the showdown would go this way, and had organised for this outcome. Tubbs was disturbed and out of control, he resented Ben and would never allow him back in so easily. 

What Ben had learnt from his dodging dealings in the past, was that there was always a price. 

His hands were shaking as he saw the blood that was flushing out of the wound. Sonia had given him a pill, one to steady his heartbeat enough to calm down. It was currently being trialled and he was aware of the risks. He struggled to retrieve the tablet and eventually took it. The ambulance arrived and the paramedics jumped out of the back. 

It was in this moment that his phone rang and he answered it with his shaking fingers, the room seemed to spin as his eyes became blurry. He couldn't remember much of the conversation but within minutes he was in the back of the ambulance, leaving the decoy body in his place. Ben had assured that the officer would keep Callum away from the body. The medics employed would try to save the corpse despite it being dead, Ben's blood had been dabbed over it. It seemed to be the perfect plan. Sonia looked at him, placing an oxygen mask on him. Her expression was of worry. The medics had pulled away in an unmarked ambulance, which was practically a van with a mattress in the back, it wasn't very sanitary but Sonia had cleared it enough to not be dangerous. 

He must have lost consciousnesss at some point but when he awoke, he immediately felt the pain of the poorly stitched wound. What mattered was he was alive. He was laying on a bed in the back of an apartment. The curtains were drawn and he was attached to a drip. 

Sonia was sitting beside him, "It's done" She said, stroking his hand for a second. He smiled. For those first few weeks he was barely awake so the isolated apartment didn't affect him. But as he started to heal, he noticed the nail biting anxiety of waiting. The apartment felt like a prison of his own making. 

In the early days of his recovery, Jay dropped by. He had tried to convince Ben to change his mind. The smuggled painkillers played with his mind and awareness but Ben still was adamant that he was doing the right thing. He craved social attraction and had at first thought Jay was a hallucination. Sonia was the face he had grown to know. 

"The John doe is prepared, you are officially dead" Jay said in a monotone voice in the cheap apartment that they were using. He looked tired.

"Good and Callum?" 

"He is distraught, you know, and it hurts to see him like that, knowing that I could end his suffering. It also kills me that I have to keep this from my wife"

"I know. But we have to stick to the plan, it's whats best" 

"Best for who?" 

"Everyone involved" Ben said firmly. 

"It's not best for Lexi, she's in bits" 

"Mate I don't need the judgement or emotional guilt trip, you won't say anything will you? " 

Jay rolled his eyes "I'm not stupid, she'd kill me and then you" it hurt Ben to laugh. Pain was the only proof that he had to prove he was alive. At times he started to doubt this as he lay in the underfurnished apartment. He hallucinate sometimes and it really did disturb his sense of reality when he came into contact with a real person. 

"Thank you. I appreciate what you are doing" Ben said 

"Just don't contact me after the funeral, Ok? Once you are in the ground, I need you to be gone. I can't have you popping up in the Albert"

"No. I know. Once I'm well enough and the new identity is sorted, I'm gone, mate, I ain't coming back"

"That's sorted then" Jay said and half hugged Ben, it was for the last time.

"At least I'm getting to say goodbye" Jay said, his sarcastic tone cut into Ben like a knife. This was hard enough without the reminder. Jay was his last association with his old life. 

* * *

Ben waited in his car outside Callum's house. He sat and watched the silouhette through the window. 


	10. Can there be a day, beyond this night?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callum lies in the isolated house, Ben watches from a far.

It had been three weeks since Ben's funeral. Callum was asleep on the sofa, the television was glowing with various commercials, adverts for the ideal life. All of lifes problems will be solved by the purchasing of this one sofa or dining table. They soothed him, allowed him to have company. Jay had not stopped by in a while, he and lola were too busy raising the little one.Young Benjamin Pearce was proving to be as much a handful as his namesake. The moments that were not spent changing nappies or feeding him, were spent by grasping just a few hours of sleep.

Callum didn't feel very sociable anyways, he could only judge the passing of time by the pizza boxes and half drank beer cans that sporadically decorated the floor and table. He couldn't remember the last time that he showered, and he had no plans of rectifying that. 

"You're a mess" Ben joked as he swept the cans off the sofa, he stroked Callum's legs.

"Why are you haunting me?" Callum hissed in his half conscious state, he sat up and looked at his husband. He was wearing his favourite black and grey chequered coat. He looked just how he remembered.

"Where else can I go?" Ben said a sinister smile on his stubbly face.

Callum reached for the bottle of whiskey that stood on the table, the cap was missing, he spilt a little as he bought it towards him. 

"That ain't gonna get rid of me" Ben laughed "Cheer up, babe, we'll be together soon" he turned his direction to the TV.

* * *

Meanwhile, Ben sat in his car, he was parked a few houses down. His passport was ready for a flight that he was yet to book. He twitched at the thought of his husband rotting away in that house. He had made his choice, there was no going back. Yet he struggled to take that final step. 

* * *

Callum was plagued by the vision of Ben, he was in the kitchen, the dishes had begun to pile up in the sink. There was a pungent smell of rot ruminating throughout the house. 

His colleagues had not been in contact so assumedly he didn't have a job to go back to. It didn't matter. He hadn't seen his phone in a while, perhaps someone was trying to reach him. 

He couldn't focus on one thing for longer than a few minutes, the vision of Ben in the corner of his eye. Every room of the house had a hint of him, them. 

"Babe, look at the state of this place" Ben stood behind him as he looked into the empty fridge. There was a half eaten glass jar of pickled onions. Ben must have left them, they would have to do. 

He knew that he was no longer in a state to leave the house, not without something awful occurring. Despite that, he might see one of the neighbours and he couldn't take the judgement. 

"You let yourself go" Ben laughed, the laugh that Callum used to love but it now left a sickening pit in his stomach. 

He tried to ignore him, one more sip of whiskey ought to do it. 

"I'm lonely, come join me. You have nothing here anymore" Ben leaned in to him and whispered in his ears. 

* * *

Callum lay passed out on the sofa, the empty glass bottle was on the floor, a trickle of booze laying at the head. 

The front door opened gently, Ben inhaled the scent of his husband's mess. He walked over to the sofa and stood over him. Callum had messy stubble and his hair was floppy and un-combed. Ben stroked the hair out of Callum's eyes.

Callum woke up a little, he grunted. 

"Leave me alone. What do you want?" he growled, upset by the vision of husband that plagued him. The excess of alcohol did not numb him as much as before. Unaware that this time it was the real thing, he scrunched his eyes shut. 

"I can't take it. Why do you haunt me?" Callum babbled. 

"This is the last time" Ben had not realised Callum's hysterical delusions, he hadn't realise the hallucinogenic affects of his decent into self hatred. 

"Before I go, you need to know that It ain't your fault, babe. You didn't cause this. You must go on" Ben said, tears in his eyes.

Callum grunted and turned over, Ben leant down and kissed Callum's forehead one last time. 

Letting himself out, Ben climbed into his car and drove away. This time was for good. 

Callum awoke the next morning, there was a new scent, a familiar aftershave filled the air. He had, had the most wonderfully strange dream. There was a knock at the door, leaping up with a sudden burst of energy, he answered the door to his brother. 

"You alright, bruv? Stuart said sympatheticall and hugged Callum, walking into the house. He began to clean up a little whilst Callum had a shower. For the first time in weeks, it felt weird.

His phone was found sandwiched down the sofa cushions. There were multiple missed calls. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you are all still enjoying this fic, despite there not being a Ballum anymore in the soap. Thank you to all who are reading.


	11. Realising that nothing will ever be the same again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callum begins to pick himself up

For the next three days, Callum and Stuart began to clean up the house. One bag at a time. He shaved his stubble and decided to place the property on the market. Stuart had contacted the police station that Callum had worked at, behind Callum's back. Callum was most uncertain when he saw his commanding officer at the front door. He had a thick moustache and small rounded glasses. 

"We have a therapy programme that you can take" He began and following this were empty apologies and promises that they were always there for him. He couldn't take his place at the station anymore. 

It didn't and wouldn't feel right. 

"I don't think I can" Callum said 

"But you are a fine officer" 

"Unfortunately I am declining" Callum said and with that, it was his final word on the matter.

Stuart looked at Callum with a worried haze.

'You alright?" He said and Callum nodded. 

Within the next few months he had settled himself into a modest apartment, he could not bare to be in that house. The apartment was in the square, near his family. Stuart and Rainie were living together and welcomed him in whilst he found a place. 

He had suffered nightmares for many weeks after and felt unsure about living alone right away. 

* * *

Looking at his alarm clock, some months later. Callum got ready rather early. He buttoned up his shirt and arrived early at the office that he had set up in the square. It was the old community centre. Callum had renovated it and was now using it as a meeting point for fellow bereaved officers. 

He had been discouraged the first time that he had opened the centre. However he was overwhelmed by the response. People had emerged and came to him for help.

Over the next year he had turned his life around and had managed to maintain a stable funding to organise his care facility. 

One day a young man walked into the centre, a tall black gentleman in a blue shirt. He seemed uneasy as he lingered around by the posters, pretending to be entranced by the informative posters.

Callum walked over to him, 

"Are you alright?" He asked 

"Yeah, I'm good" the man spoke in an American accent.

"I'm Callum" he held out his hand

"James" he shook Callum's hand, below his sleeve, Callum noticed a small red circles on the man's forearm. Scars possibly, cigarette burns. 

"I moved here about a month ago, a new life if you like, but I can't seem to settle in" 

"Well if you want to talk, this is the place"

"I came here after leaving my abusive husband" James began, "I was trying to figure out by the posters whether this was an LGBTQ+ inclusive place" He said, Callum paused for a moment and smiled an assuring smile.

"Your safe here, I set up this place to help all" 

And so Callum began to tell James his story.


	12. Epilogue - Five years later

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Five years on, our story takes place on a warm beach

The sun beamed down on the sunny Hawaiian beach. 

A small wooden shack sat in the centre of the sand, surrounded by holiday makers. 

"Rob? You ok" The tanned gentleman began as he poured a mixture into a half coconut. 

"Yeah" Rob began, his shirt was half unbuttoned as he perched behind the bar. It was his bar, he had set it up and slowly the business had began to grow. Somewhere warm and free.

Rob had formally been Ben Mitchell. His new identity was that of Robert Blartley. 

As he sat at the bar, Rob glanced around at the warm beach. It was filled with holiday makers and business was booming. 

Taking a sip from his colourful drink, he almost choked as he saw a couple walking towards the bar. 

* * *

"This place is gorgeous" James took Callum's hand

"It is. But it ain't as lovely as you" Callum said fluffily and James tolled his eyes.

"You little flirt, I'm blushing" James said, sarcastically. 

They had committed to a civil partnership two years ago. Neither of them could face entering into another marriage, so the partnership suited them perfectly. 

James pulled Callum toward him for a kiss. Callum wore a floral shirt, a gift from Stuart. It was unbuttoned and accompanied by green shirts. James was shirtless, and was wearing blue shorts. They walked barefoot along the hot sand. 

"Drink?" James asked as they walked towards the small wooden shack. 

"Sure. Let's have something crazy" Callum smiled 

"Okay," James chuckled as they got closer to the shack. 

* * *

Rob recognised Callum immediately and leapt of the bar stool and behind the bar. Tom, the bartender, looked confused but looked back to the oncoming couple. Trying desperately not to acknowledge his hiding boss. 

"Hey, what can I get ya?" he asked

"The most sickening drink you have!" Callum announced theatrically, James was a little embarrassed and impressed by his confidence. 

"Celebrating, huh?" Tom reached for the various liquors that lined the back of the shack. 

"We've been together for two years" James said in a hushed tone. 

Rob listened from beneath the bar. 

"This is the first time we have branched out like this, we have never really travelled" Callum said as Tom prepared the drinks, adding tiny umbrella's to the top of the drink. 

"Someones left their drink" James said pointing to the spilled coconut that was sitting on the bar. 

"Guess they didn't enjoy it" Tom laughed, nervously. 

"Well, enjoy guys, this one's on the house" 

"Thank you" They said in unison. 

James and Callum took a sip of the coconut contained cocktail and looked at each other. "Not bad" James said. They thanked the bartender once more and walked further down the beach. They held hands as they found a place to sit. 

Tom nodded at Rob who stood up and dusted off his knees. He had grazed his hands ever so slightly as he had hastily jumped down. 

"You ok?" Tom said meekly. 

"Yeah" Rob replied

"Who was that?" Tom asked, 

"Just a skeleton from my closet" Rob smiled, pouring a shot into a small neon coloured cup. 

"I'm going to head home, will you be ok until Marianne starts?" Rob said, Tom looked down at his watch, "That's an hour away, I think I'll manage". Rob nodded. 

He walked away and headed to his apartment. 

* * *

Meanwhile, Callum was sitting beside James. They watched as the waves gushed on the sand. 

Callum turned his head and saw the sillouhette of a man walking from the bar. He squinted his eyes to try to distinguish that familiar frame as more than a sunlit shadow. 

It couldn't be him.

"You OK, babe?" James broke Callum's gaze, "You look like you've seen a ghost" he stroked Callum's face. Callum put his hands around James's face, staring into his deep brown eyes. He kissed him in a long passionate embrace.

"I'm fine. Just thought I saw someone I knew, that's all" Callum smiled and reclined into James lap. There they lay on the sun baked sand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you have enjoyed this fic, I am overwhelmed by the kudos and brevity of comments as we have taken this journey. I hope to write some more Ballum inspired fictions in the future.  
> For now, thank you so much and I hope this ending was satisfying 😊


End file.
